Darkness in daylight.
Location: Treasure Island (I think)
Hello, Robert Louis Stevenson
The Chamber of Commerce probably came up with the name long ago during early Florida boom times — Treasure Island. After old R.L.S., of course. The Indians probably had a better name for it. No matter. It’s — The Beach. Every long, cluttered, hot mile of it. The Gulf Beach. Less of the Gulf. More of that hot, blacktopped abstraction called…The Beach.
I was waiting outside — Pirate’s Cove.
And the cove, if it really were a cove, would be lovely, pirate or no pirate. Trees, blue water, piers, cottages….mirror smooth water. But that is not this place. This is the unnatural realm of commerce and its chambers. Hot and blacktopped.
Let me invoke, in an interlude, the spirit of a departed, double-hearted, long-suffering ghost of our time who gave himself the name of a state, and always seemed in a state of alcoholic angst, God love him….
Tennessee Williams, in the Notes For The Designer at the beginning of the print version of his play Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, writes of wanting a light for his drama like the light in a faded photograph he’d seen of the varanda of Robert Louis Stevenson’s home on a Samoan island where he spent his last years. “There was a quality of tender light,” Williams wrote, “on weathered wood, such as porch furniture made of bamboo and wicker, exposed to the tropical sun and tropical rains.” The playwright speaks of “the grace and comfort of light, the reassurance it gives, on a late and fair afernoon in summer, the way that, no matter what, even dread of death is gently touched and soothed by it.”
Grace. Dispelling the dread of death.
The Sacrament of Sunlight, that visible sign of invisible grace. The playwright knew of grace, wanted his characters to experience it, knew they stumbled about in darkness despite the bright footlights. Wanted grace for himself, died, I fear, longing for it. I pray he has it.
Williams wrote that — when, early fifties? Light is light. Darkness, darkness. Always and forever.
But this was early summer, June 12, 2023. There was dread in the burning humid air alright. Dread of death and all its dark companions, stalking us like that faux pirate in the doorway of Pirate’s Cove. There was boredom. There was anxiety in boredom, touched with despair.
Diane had gone into Pirate’s Cove to see her friend the clerk. I was left sitting in an idling car with Cricket, the little dog sitting morosely in the back seat. Bored. Anxious. Angry. At one point, I got out and sat in the back seat with her, petting and comforting her; comforting myself, my inveterate, unbroken, unnameable, ungrateful discontent smeared, it seemed, all over me like a lotion. We were both bored.
Williams was looking for light for a play about “human extremities of emotion.” (I wonder why the Samoan light would be the light he was looking for, since it bestowed, as far as he was concerned, peace?)
The light of this moment, this Beach moment — sun beating down on motor oil-stained concrete and heaped up plastic and rubber inflatables in front of Pirate’s Cove–suited the extremes of tawdry human malaise and amorality. Of boredom.
The light fell on the blacktop clutter that is called Beach though any beach and all nature (waves, water, sand, blue, distance, breezes) was two hundred yards away, beyond more tar, touched with traffic fumes (thinner now, paradoxically in Florida, now that summer’s here) and steel and mortar cliffs of high-rise real estate. You can’t see the Gulf of Mexico or the blue water. There is that iconic Pirate outside the cluttered storefront windows of Pirate’s Cove. The pirate stands by the door as noted, made of something like apoxy no doubt, or maybe clay, a kitchy memorial to all lawless mauraders “exposed to the (sub)tropical sun and (sub)tropical rain…” Unmoving, unflinching. Fake.
On either side of the entrance and all around our pirate were stacked plastic or rubber inflatable sea turtles, plastic or rubber inflatable birds, rubber or plastic inflatable ducks, rubber inflatable rafts all stacked across the front of the store. The Pirate has (of course): a three-cornered hat, a parrot on his shoulder, a patch over his eye, etc. etc. I guess this is Long John Silver. He stares all day. Would Robert Louis Stevenson be pleased that in 2023 outside a cheesy beach shop and in miniature golf courses throughout the nation his fictive pirate is evoked in effigy? He’d be amused, I suspect.
Anyway. I just wanted to capture this. I’m not doing a very good job of it…and will do no better when I tell you about the girl and boy who came idly wandering up to the Pirate’s Cove …Tourists, probably — those eternal wanderers.
They were maybe in their twenties, maybe late teens, idling in the heat, licking ice cream cones they’d bought at the little emprioum next door. She had a bathing suit top that barely, just barely, cupped her lilly white breasts. There was a tattoo across her chest. She had dark hair, an unpretty face that frequently moved between smirks and frowns and giggles. They strolled, stood, licked, strolled. (How can I describe it? Why do I feel the need to? )She and the boy seemed to align with some dry, empty emotions overtaking me, along with anger at being left in a car that needed to be cooled by a running engine with a sad, bored-looking little dog in the back seat.
How did this day’s journey begin? As a diversion. That’s what life can be on a Sunday — a grand, hot diversion.
I had offered to go see a guy about donating our two gold fish to his Wet Pet Store that, upon arrival, was close and cleaned out and gone. I was sad to see this. The guy was an affable young Asian, knowledgeable and cheerful. Guess his tropical fish business failed — or moved. Whatever. And our gold fish will remain.
Also:
I’d offered to bring Diane to the little village of Gulfport for ice cream, but the ice cream shop was closed and the whole little village was pretty much hot and closed except for a somewhat busy open bar around the corner, and the old casino looked out on a little inlet and it was all hot and mostly empty and begged for the Hemingway in me to describe it like some Caribbean port, all as I’m describing the girl and boy now I encountered at our next and final Sunday destinaton, but I am failing. (Ernest, this needed you.)
Or it needs Kafka. Gulfport was like the silent little port where the long-dead Hunter Gracchus comes to shore. Where boys are sitting on the seawall, playing dice (or playing games on their Androids), and a man is sitting on the steps of a monument reading the newspaper (or scrolling through his iPhone). A girl is filling a bucket at the fountain…or, since there is no fountain at Gulfport, washing her sandy feet of at the beach shower nozzle.
Maybe you get the scene…
We went on wandering in my Subaru. Gracchus and his girl, I now just wishing to be here, quiet and cool in my room…and we wound up on either Treasure Island or St. Pete Beach looking for Diane’s ice cream — and found the open shop right next to Pirate’s Cove.
Back to the couple outside Pirate’s Cove…
She wore a skin-tight, dark, see-through pull-on gossimar covering to from ankle to waist –essentially a pair of pantyhose, studded, like as some hose are, with little decorations, that did not disguise her very brief thong underneath tucked in her rectum and her basically bare very large buttocks. The impression was of something ugly and unpleasant and of a soul unawares. The boy, by contrast, was dressed very conventionally — bermuda shorts, button-up, shortsleeve shirt. Don’t know if they were boy friend/ girlfriend. Doubt they were sister/brother. They stood and licked. They were both pale, as tourists often are, if not burned raw.
They worked the ice cream down, strolled back and forth in front of the shop, maybe waiting until they finished and then would go inside. They were among the colorful inflatables with their fake animal faces. Inside there would be bags of seashells, t-shirts, sweatshirts, bathing suits, postcards, costume jewelry, lotions.
So they were: the plain girl whose nakedness was barely concealed without evoking anything resembling the normal reaction of lust, the boy dressed in shorts and shirt, content, perhaps not to be alone and to have a companion, however she was clad, and an ice cream.
But some French word is needed to describe their…ennui? And mine. The English words would be — insousiance? Boredom.
Malaise. Yes. Malaise.
For me….Invisible, unreal, inflatable sunbright birds from a deceptively sunbright plastic ea of wretchedness –denatured and odious — seemed to have descend and roosted, filled with the air we craved, preying upon us, feeding on our souls and minds, even on my dog’s canine consciousness. Air conditioning didn’t help. Was it Henry Miller who wrote of the air conditioned nightmare?
And it was so hot. Almost indescribable. And humid. (And, come to think of it, I believe it was at that hour that a little titanium and fiber capsul was being crushed in the far depths of the Atlantic and five subaqueaous sightseers were vanising in darkness near the ruins of the greatest of sunken human aspirations and dreams of leisure, diversion, and travel, the HMS Titanic. )
Hear us, O Lord
And it was ice cold at that depth where they vanished like human bubbles. Cold and dark. And here on the beach, we were so cold, all of us, though it was hot. And I was so empty.
One good thing came of it: Diane had gone next door and gotten her ice cream. She had found it too sweet and too much. She gave it to me. I finished it.
Life after a the sweetes ice cream is still life.
This, outside the Pirate’s Cove, was Still Life. Tennessee Williams, I hope you have found that sunlit veranda and that you and Robert Louis are together and with God.
We are still here in this Still Life with rubber inflatables. Toys and capsuls and promises of diversion all around us.
And the fake pirate, as he has done for hours and days and years, stares with his one good but no less blind eye.