THE F.B.I.

As multiple political and law enforcement embroglios engulf us, I’m going to indulge, very briefly, my fears and mixed feelings about the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

The Bureau’s credibility has unquestionably been compromised by the domestic security missions it has undertaken. It has come to light, for instance, that agents were infiltrating and investigating Catholic Latin Mass-goers as potential terrorists. On what evidence did they undertake such a thing?

It remains, as far as we know, a bureacracy still capable of remarkable achievements in the area of criminal investigation. Of that I feel certain.

But it has been assigned contradictory missions. This has generated problems. It has revealed incompetence, malfeasance and political bias in its ranks. This has hurt its reputation. We know supervisors tapped into partisan sources in their investigation into Donald Trump’s alleged Russia ties, such as uncorroborated Hillary Clinton campaign opposition research. Prior to that, by contrast,agents had cleared Mrs. Clinton of any wrongdoing in her email scandal despite finding that she had recklessly mishandled classified information and destroyed government records. It’s true, the investigation tarnished her image. She lost the election — and blamed the F.B.I. She might be right. But, here again, should such investigations be in the perview of the F.B.I.?

You might ask – who else should handle them? Well, frankly, I don’t know. But where the target of the investigation is an elected official, trouble in the form of political bias seems to ensue. Is it impossible to de-politicize the Justice Department? One would hope so.

Meanwhile, can we have any faith the Bureau is doing any better handling the multifaceted Trump investigation into, among other things, mishandled classified files? You can be certain Trump supporters don’t think so.

An agency like the F.B.I. lives by its reputation and credibility. It is just one of the federal agencies many Americans have ceased to trust.

That’s a problem for all of us.

SORRY, NIGHT GENT, WHEREVER YOU ARE…

For I missed your beautiful smile.

What –and who — on earth am I talking about? Well…

It occured to me last night — and I cringed at the memory — that there were embarrassing moment during my TV career when I had to cancel interviews with people I know were, for various reasons, eager to tell their story to a television audience — and this despite their trepidation about going before the camera. Often you’d find yourself gently pleading with them to put aside their timidity and consent to appear, only to be forced later to cancel out.

For some reason, I’m especially recalling the time working for Channel 7 in Boston when I was reporting on efforts to end dog racing in Massachusetts. Accordingly, I had set up an interview with a trainer at Wonderland race track in Revere, Mass. I was to meet him —and his champion greyhound, named Night Gent. This excited me. Yes, I love dogs, but more than that, viewers love seeing animals and they liven up a story.

Then, for forgotten reasons doubtless beyond my control and perhaps frivilous and unnecessary as often happens in TV (e.g., allegedly important “breaking news” somewhere), I was forced to cancel the interview. Thereafter, because the news cycle keeps turning, I wound up never doing the interview or the story.

The next day, I made a point of calling the trainer, apologized, and sheepishly asked if the cancellation had greatly inconvenienced him.

He was cordial and forgiving, but immediately noted, in a wry tone, that in order to make his celebrated canine ready for his close-up, “I even brushed his teeth.”

Boy, did I feel terrible! I’m sure old Night Gent felt even worse. What dog likes having his teeth brushed?

Come to find out: In 1986 (about the time I was going to meet him),Night Gent captured the Derby Lane Sprint Classic down here in Florida and was named to the All-America team. I believe he may even be in the Greyhound Hall of Fame. He was a super-star! I’d have brushed my teeth to have my picture taken with him –and, of course, feed him a biscuit or two.

But, alas, the moment, and Night Gent, have gone gently into that goodnight of dog racing, for the sport is on the wane and, at least in Massachusetts and other states, been banned outright, perhaps for good reasons.

I hope Night Gent‘s years in retirement were restful and rewarding, with naturally sparkling teeth. And that, first of all, they retired his toothbrush.

WOMAN MARRIES SNAKE

They are calling this ” a peculiar Indian love story.” It comes from Harper’s Magazine on-line.

Note: I started reading, on my iPhone, this story I might have thought, smugly, was merely an amusing novelty affirming my belief that the world has gone mad, forgetting the anthropological realities that divide humanity and make one soul’s rituals and objects of worship another person’s folly. And I most especially want to note that I have borrowed here from the narrative account of Mischa Berlinski, a writer unknown to me who made the journey to the ‘bride and groom’s’ village intrigued by the tale and on a mission to discern the truth in the best spirit of the best writer’s and journalists. I did not mean to plagiarize, but caution that, even without quotation marks, many of the words are Ms Berlinski’s in this highly condensed account.

And so, we learn:

In Bhudaneswar, India, in the state of Orissa, June 2nd of 2023, a thirty (?) year-old woman who claimed to have fallen in love with a snake got married to it. There was a Hindu ritual ceremony. Two thousand people were in attendance and there was the traditional procession of celebration.

The snake was a cobra.

The story was picked up by all the Indian daily newspapers, the wire services and translated into two dozen languages. Thousands of bloggers commented on the post (including, now, this one). Gay bloggers still living in countries where gayh marriage is illegal wondered why, if this woman could marry a snake, they couldn’t marry their beloveds. Hindu bloggers took issue with the marriage, saying that it was the kind of thing that made everyone think Hindus were weird. It affirmed conservative arguments that marriage, so broadly and loosely defined, would inevitably lead to people marrying their pets. On Comedy Central, Stephen Colbert countered that attacks on gay marriage growing out of Bimbala’s nuptuals were misplaced, because the union was, in fact, heterosexual: the groom/snake in question is male.

Ms. Berlinski who visited the site of the wedding was introduced to the snake’s new mother-in-law, a trim, 75-year-old silver-haired woman. She seemed to feel her daughter’s marriage aspirations were the work of God, since the girl had been unhappy and unhealthy in a multitude of ways and had visions that a snake had helped cure her of sickness. “We cannot disturb God’s work,” the woman said. The writer also learned from her guide that the snake is not an animal to the people of india. It is a god — and considered the religioius leaders of the girl’s village.

Indeed, anthropologists tell us that there is strong evidence of snake worship in antiquity. “One of the first challenges of the authors of Genesis was to confront the cult of the snake,” writes Berlinski.

Prehistoric Indians found themselves confronted by two terrifying animals — the powerful elephant and the unpredictable, often venomous snake.

The worship of the cobra in modern India is particularly associated with the god Shiva, one of the more impressive and terrifying of god in the Hindu pantheon. Shiva is often depicted with a cobra hanging around his neck.

But Berlinski, in her journey of research, had yet to meet the bridegroom. In video made of the wedding, only a brass snake is in attendance. Apparently the real snake could not be coaxed into attending. Apparently it (he?)lives in an anthill.

The writer’s account ends with the greatest of respect, describing village women on their knees in prayer near the bride’s hut on a peaceful afterenoon, “saying very little and hoping that Debo (the snake’s name, apparently)would come out fro the antihill.”

So what shall we make of this? With equal respect — again, having borrowed many of Mischa Berlinski’s words verbatim — I will say that we mortals of every race and creed, are groping our way through the heat, chaos and fever of life toward the god of our understanding. Can I be anything but humble, as a Christian, knowing how, in sacrament, image and prayer, I go on reaching toward God and the God-man Christ through the tangled darkness of the material world?

THE SAGA OF THE MALTESE HAIRDRESSER

A guy named Knox (don’t know his first name), a commercial artist, somehow started finding his way to The Last Mile Lounge on a corner of that busy, barren strip near the Lynn/ Revere line. This was fifteen years ago. He was originally from California. Someone suggested he got lost leaving the airport (a joke, of course). Then the guy who owned the woodframe block in which The Last Mile sits at street level let him rent an apartment upstairs. There was a back porch facing Revere Beach ( barely visible and only in the dead of winter) where he found light to do more “serious” work. It was a strange choice of real estate for an artist, if you ask me. He’s still living up there.

And he still come downstairs at least once or twice a week and sits at the bar nursing something called A Blushing Monk — Benedictine, Aperol, Suze, Lillet. Blanc and Lime juice. Deano, as forbearing a bartender as you’ll ever find, obligingly indulged old Knox, who is probably not a day under sixty, his rare potion. Deano had to special-order the ingredients. (Sticky Sammartino took a sip of it one once and confided to Jackie The Crow that it was like sipping terpentine and Sticky should know because, having made his livelihood as a painter, he’d regularly sniffed, if not actually drunk, toxic solvents.)

But Knox (actually, recently I heard his first name supposedly was Wilfred) is a hoary-headed, slender, tall bearded figure no one could mistake for anything but an artist.

Some weeks back, I made a rare Thursday night visit to The Mile and found Knox seated at the end of the bar over his Monk with his sketch pad. I decided to sit down next to him — I’d chatted him up before — and, over my tonic and cranberry juice, saw that Knox was working on a face — many version of a face. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it was in what I would call (remembering what little I learned from a humanities course in college) the style of the artist called Modigliani. (Pull out your college arts book, if you still have it or went to college, and look him up — or just go on-line. You’ll see all these narrow, s t range faces.) These wre just pencile sketches, with red pencil scribble. But I noticed that Knox had brought two Crayola crayons for the evening’s work (he’d found time to work his Monk down about half way — more sipping than usual) and his sketches were a shade of yellow and a shade of brown. Each of his rather beguiling female figures had hair that blended both.

“Might I make an inquiry?” I said. It was all I had to say. For he told me he was doing multiple images of a Maltese hairdresser he’d met in a Florida department store in his youth. She was in the hair salon, and was, yes, born in Malta.

“She was beautiful,” Knox said. “I was in the hunt for some interesting shirts, saw the salon on the second floor and, awary my locks had grown a bit shaggy, went in in to have them trimmed. As wonderful good fortune would have it, she was the stylist on duty. From that very moment, I just wanted her for myself — a beautiful figure, wonderful brown eyes, charming manner, hair that, given her Mediterranean liniage, was probably not blond but, given her profession, she’d managed to bring to a wonderful, albeit artificial shade of blond. It might have been the only time in my life I settled for something artificial.” He glanced at me. “Which, perhaps, should have been taken as an omen.

“We talked, oh, did we ever talk! She spoke in that wonderful Maltese accent! I went back to her in just a few days under the ruse of needing a slightly closer trim and a neck massage — she gave wonderful massages. And I think she saw through the ruse. She knew I’d come back just to be near her.”

“This all sounds very promising,” I said.

“She was unattached, but she confided that she’d been living with a fellow.”

“Shameful,” I said. He ignored thesarcasm, the false moral indignation. He was dreaming — was, in his mind, back in Florida and in love. “She shared with me that she and her paramour had parted company, utterly separated.” Again he glanced my way. “Now, you seem like a man of the world, Mr. Wayland.”

“Indubitably,” I said. More sarcasm.

“Well, then you know that a woman, a virtual stranger, does not share such information with another stranger — be it a customer and other such client — and that she would not have been telling me unless her romance was lying on the slab at Cupid’s coroner. This was clearly an invitation. She was imparting to me, Mr. Wayland, that she was lonely, that she was rid of a nuisance, that she was about to be homeless (for she’d had been living at her boyfriend’s domicile), and, most importantly, that she was, as they say,’ on the market.’

“And, of course, we can alway use someone with whom to share our room and board, correct? Especially a beautiful someone. I was quite impecunious in those day , making my living with drawings as best I could. My angelic hair stylist was also quite enthralled by the knowledge that I am an artist. I knew her to be — or, at least, claimed to be — a fan of the opera. Perhaps she had seen a Miami production of La Boheme. Perhaps she took me for a Rudolfo in search of his Mimi. On my third visit to her — not for my hair but for my heart and my aspirations to be eternally near her — I brought a finely drawn portrait in acrylics that I’d hastily but no less carefully made of her entirely from memory, a perfect but artistically rendered portrait of her. In the style of (ah! I knew it) Modigliani. She was flattered to tears, though perhaps might have hoped I’d done something with a bit greater photraphic likeness — like the pictures of herself all over her mirror (another omen) .

“Then I invited her to come share my apartment with me — my own Parisian garrett which was, in fact, a former garage tucked away in The Grove. She agreed. I was feeling a thousand miles high.”

“Well, well, well,” I said, “and as we always ask ourselves after reading each day’s installment of our favorite comic strip, what happened next?”

“Nothing comic about it,” said ole Wilfred Knox. “In fact, it was tragic from my fractured point of view. She informed me days later -after not answering her phone in all that time — that, upon hearing of her plan to move in with another man, her paramour blocked her BMW in the driveway with his motorcycle. His very unmistakable way of telling her their affair was not over, that he expected her to ride eternally on the back of his Harley Davidson. Nor was she about to resist, which surprised me. For, indeed, I took her to be a strong woman able to resist any man’s wishes.”

“Apparently she was resisting your wishes, Knox,” I said. ( I’m not strong in the consolation department for men who’ve been gulled by women and who should have seen it coming.)

Knox didn’t disagree. He let me see his sad eyes then. “I believe she used me, Mr. Wayland.”

Talk about stating the obvious. I sipped my cranberry and tonic. “I think that’s a very strong possibilty, Knox. You were leveraged for, shall we say, a healing moment between lovers — or, in this case, slave and master. She played you for a sucker.”

Then — I just had to know, I asked, “what happened to that portrait of this Venus?

“I saved it,” Knox said. ” And our esteemed landlord and prorietor here at this establishment has agreed that we shall unveil that very portrait amid great ceremony here Saturday night. ”

Wow! (Note: this was, as I said, weeks ago.)

” You see,” Knox went on,” I sat and told him this story just as I’m telling it to you. This was just a few days ago. And he was quite, ah, charmed by the whole thing.”

“You mean, amused.”

“Yes, that ,too.”

And, so, yes, ( to update things here), they did, indeed, hold a little ceremonial unveiling of Knox’s Portrait of a Maltese Viper. I made a point of being there, and seeing it. It was quite a spectacle — the gathering, that is.. There were about nineteen souls in the place — men, women, some regulars, a few visitors. But Knox assured everyone they were free to adorn his artwork with their own “expressive augmentations” (meaning everyone, women included, was free to vandalize it spitefully. I counted three different black Sharpie moustaches.)

Back to the night in question — the night on which I got to hear this story from old Knox — I spent the balance of the night catching a little of the Celtics game on the overhead Sanyo flatscreen, hardly thinking about what Knox had told me — while Knox continued his fevered sketching next to me. At some point, he abruptly gathered up all this sketches and disappered.

Then when I was walking to my car, I saw that he’d made a litte pyre out back in the dirt near the rear dumpster. It was miniscule — just a bunch of crumpled small white sheets (his sketches). I’m sure he reasoned that, since he’d created a large acrylic representation of his vanished, devious angel, he could destroy all other evidence of her. The pile burned out very quickly, sparks scattering over the ground. Good thing there weren’t any fire department jakes around that night. I know at least one of them drinks at The Mile.

I walked over to Knox. “What’s up?” I said. He said (as I expected), “one portrait of my deceiver is enough.”

Maybe I’ll grab a cellphone picture of that scribbled-over and desecrated portrait sometime and show it to you. I doubt this woman was as weirdly indescribable as that wild riot of intermingling colors would suggest — with eyes like ripe figs and brown/gold hair resembling the stuff that bursts out of old sofas after they been left out in the rain.

Stickie Sammartino, taking a turn as an art critic, described it as a waste of paint. He was a man who never wasted paint. He’d do a whole house with three gallons. But he was happy to toast to it — to the hideous Gorgon who broke old Knox’s heart. ( I suspected, somewhere on some south Florida highway, the woman whose name we never learned from Knox is still ridiing on the back of her lover’s cycle, clutching him around the mid-section, taking jobs at salons far and wide, now and then transforming herself with assorted highlights and extentions and multiplying variety in a wilderness of solon mirrors. Someone who doctored Knox’s painting (which hangs with various other framed novelties in the passageway to the rest rooms), gave her a very long, black tongue. I saw one female regular I know only at Trixie adding cauliflower ears.

Even before all the adornments, Jackie the Crow simpy called the portrait, “ugly.” A very direct soul, ole Jackie.Just what you’d expect from a bricklayer.

And I asked Knox, standing in the dark on that cool, mid-winter night as he made his miniscule bonfire three blocks from from the chilly Atlantic, ” did you ever see your dark Angel again?”

“Never,” he said. “I was told she married the fellow who barricaded her in his driveway . I trust she’s now blockaded in a very unhappy marriage.”

“No doubt about it,” I said. “She’d have been much happier parking her BMW in the dirt out here behind The Mile, living up over the bar as a seamstress to the starving artist Knox, sewing up your skivvies in a cut-rate version of La Boheme. .”

Knox smiled and said,”You are a most crfuelly cultivated fellow, Mr. W.” and, as I made my way to my old Subaru, he commenced to sing — almost certainly under the influence of a fourth Blushing Monk, a sonorous, barely in-key version of Che gelida manina…

Yeah, that was some night.

A BUTTERFLY, A GRAPE ARBOR, THE RIVER

July 12. Rotterdam Junction. All over the land, floods and heat. Only breeze and drizzle here. No, no breeze. But that’s alright. Warm. Safe.

And only my broken decades, dammed up joy. Gratitude for having been saved from my even worse proclivities. So far. So many prayers.

Memory. Memories.

Back from Bennington, out the kitchen window, a white butterfly, a grape arbor, grapes green but abundant, the flags slack on the golden eagle-crested flagpole. (No, no breeze.) The river. Thanks God for rivers.

A butterfly, a grape arbor, the river.

Wednesday. Middle of the week, middle of the month, middle of the summer.

Clouds.

God help me. God forgive me.

I will write now. Always write.

LOVE

Light rain, humid, beautiful river, grape arbor, train whistle. Far from my temporary home. Far from my birth home…

I walk the dog. I don’t like being a dog owner. But I love this little dog.

A professor friend is planning on teaching a course on Love.

What on earth is it?

Who am I? What am I doing here?

Doestoyevsky’s Underground Man defined man as a creature who walks on two feet and is ungrateful.

I am ungrateful if I do not love for, though unworthy, I am loved.

But, again, what is love? A very important question. At least I think I know what ingratitude is. I have been taught, and do believe, that God is love. Actually, if you believe that, then God is Everything, and most worthy of all our love.

Meanwhile…

I know that this is a lovely summer’s day. A day in which one should love and avoid all false things and come to know true versus false love. (It is a day later than the humid, less lovely day on which I began this unlovely ramble.But I loved that day, too. One should love every day. When there are no more days, there can be no more love.)

As I said, I love that little dog whether I’d meant to or not. After all, she’s a lot of bother. Love is a lot of bother. It can make one unhappy, which is to be ungrateful. Therefore, today, I am ungrateful.

On this day, let me gratefully expand love — from dog to all the rest in need of it. (Not something I’m readily inclined to do.) But – expand I must.

My love, that is. (Avoid all what is merely sentiment and sentimentality. What’s that mean? Well, that’s for another day.)

Meanwhile…

Have a lovely and loving day.

JULY 6

A date, far less evocative than the day before, which like the Fourth of July can be rendered, The Fifth of July, suggesting as the latter does, with almost equal seriousness, a state of aftermath, hangover, disillusionment, the slow grinding weels of REALITY turning again.

There is a play by that name (The Fifth of July) that, though I’ve never seen it, probably touches on all those themes — if it lives up to any of my expectation, anyway. I believe it was a Vietnam War-related play, and so, yes, it must deal with the cold, somber, inescapable facts of life after battle.

July Fourth is independence, the wild, riotous delirium of the liberated, the license to blow things up and make noise and get loaded at picnics –or, for the respectable and sober, a red, white, and blue day of leisure and time to sit in lawn chairs or on blankets or on the grass with those you’ve married or sired, look skyward and watch spidery, glorious eruptions in the night sky. Diversion. Escape. Time Stopped in Darkness Spectacularly Illuminated. Celebration.

But July 6? Just the hot resumption of stopped time, second day back at work, summer’s near-median, well across the Mason-Dixon that separates reality from aspiration. Blessed forgetfulness –nearly forgotten. Time Marching On, past the sultry, dank interegnum of summer toward that old September Song.

But, might it also be the hour of that fantasmic Mid-Summer Night’s Dream?

I pray so.

JULY 5TH

A little dog’s unabated night torments from unrelenting exploding fireworks, very near and far.
Rotterdam Junction, New York. The Mohawk is serene today, the sun out and it will be warm and muggy in this region. I try to be at peace. Walked the dog. She, of course, probably doesn’t remember her terror, as we humans might. But I remember it and wonder how long a human organ like the heart can stand the stress I can’t seem to alleviate.

Alleviate it must and shall.

Prayed overlooking the river a while ago. Let the happy, peaceful images come — river, small rabbit foraging, the birds….

July 5th, 2023.

JUNE, SOON GONE AGAIN

Summer, oh, summer. 2023

Another June is almost gone. Summer’s prelude, almost gone again. So fast. Florida, not New England. No special blooms here.

My June’s spent in the early times of this century at the conferences at Portsmouth Abbey — they were fine, blessed times, solitary times in which I was being the person I was meant to be, pursuing the kind of interests….spiritual….where, while wandering a beautiful campus at the edge of Narragansett Bay, I was called to contemplate the good, the true, the beautiful…where Our Lady was in her shrine before candles, where it was plain life was real, earnest, because to live is Christ, ( so they tell me) and I will reject and then again embrace that truth hour by hour as I approach the edge of the bay. The Great Bay. The temptations never relent, the sins, too, even as the opportunities to sin deminish. But there are always opportunities, pride being the temptation that never relents, and the greatest sin.

It rained often during those conferences, forcing us indoors. But it was a divine rain. Or so I chose to see a June rain.

If I leave you with one thing, my late mentor told me, it is –to pray!

Pray contantly. Never lose hope.

I will take to the road soon, planned trip, a month away. But still immersed in sin. July away. I’m always anxious, never totally happy.

Another late mentor told me always to remember the two most important questions: who am I, and what am I doing here?

I pray for the intercession of lost mentors, the fever of life long over for them. I pray they are happy and with God. (I am always teasingly tempted to think of death as ‘lights out’, oblivion, and therefore, all this human nonsense precisely that, absurd nonesense. All is permitted, if only we could shake off the ghosts of theological machinations being worked in our midst by hypocrits. And then I realize the constant unsatisfying groping after justice and love and peace by the very people who would earnestly tell us this is all an empty spectacle, sound and fury, signifying nothing. I heard the parents of a murder victim say the death penalty was too good for their son’s murderer. They plainly must conceive of divine justice beyond this life — and, therefore, a divinely just and good Judge. And a source, untapped, of consolation for their and remedy for their anger.)

I must embrace and enjoy what grace comes wrapped up — in the fever of life, and in my fellow mortals whom I must love endlessly as they love me, and love my enemies.
God is Perfect Love. Try getting your head around that. Don’t despair. Believe.